Before the First Kiss

For me… for me speaks my voice, my nervous fingers, my short memory that needs to think more than once about how to describe this feeling to you, what is and what you cannot understand, that which escapes from my sad eyes in its frustrated attempt at being, even if just for a moment, understood. For me speak my lips, which I bite with every deep sigh, my impatient feet, my lost but attentive gaze, my smile, freely given and honest, and wishing to be reciprocated. For me speak these restless hands to tell you, even through silly gestures, how much I like your eyes, and how much it scares me that I like them so, and my own, my eyes, want to tell you that it doesn’t matter that there are no articulate words, that I don’t need any because my scalding mouth will learn your language with every touch, in every breath there will be a story, and in each kiss… my secrets.

I want you to know, with the clarity of my stilted words, more because of nerves than anything else, that I will give this night to you completely, from the first kiss to the farewell sun, for you to see in every stutter, in every misspoken word, that I am enchanted by your scent, your infinite nose, your crooked eyebrows and the shape of your neck, for my madness about you, about this night, about the rain that won’t let you leave and which I don’t want to end, to last forever, like your gaze that traverses me. You must realize once and for all that I am weakened by you, by your breathing, vulnerable to your hands that deliberately caress mine and by your strange accent that confuses me and interlaces clumsily with my own, that like this, so close, without saying anything, I tell you everything.

For me speaks my native language, my breath, this beating heart that I hand over to you, my foreign past and my present now with you, my uttered lies, my hidden truths, my reason for being right here on this night, and in short, and before stealing the first kiss … my desire.

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Translated by  Marie Garcia

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